What Do Ya Burn For?

Post Trip Depression.

Maybe you've heard missionaries talk about it. I hadn't until I went on this trip, but it is very much a reality. It's 2:30 a.m. and I'm still on Australian time, wide awake. I don't know what to do with myself. It seems like the first time in forever that I've had down time, time to be idle. Even in our "free time," we were typically in motion. There was always somebody to talk to, something to go and do, even if it was just going down to the SAC (Student Activity Center where we ate our meals) and just talking, or playing a game of Ninja or Signs. I was never alone. Those of you who know me well will be shocked by the statement that is about to follow, but there was never a moment where I felt a need to BE alone. Some of you will be shocked by this next statement: I, my friends, am an introvert. I know it sounds crazy, because I'm outgoing and I love talking to people, but I desperately need my down time. If I'm with people nonstop, I get burned out, and I have to go find a quiet corner to get myself grounded again. There was never a moment where I felt a need to be alone. That's really unheard of for me. Usually, I look forward to coming home from trips like this so I can just relax in my bedroom by myself. At this moment, though, I just feel lonely.

There was such joy in my family, though, because yes, my team is now my family. We know each other like family, we care about each other like family, and the best part is, we really are brothers and sisters in Christ! We were all so unified, so centered on Jesus, and it just brought us together. We bonded over a love of Jesus, over trials and tears, but also over joy, drawn together in moments of praising God together, or witnessing the light dawn in someone's eyes as we shared the Gospel of Christ. We understand each other. It's bittersweet, because I know that that group of people, in its entirety, will probably never be together again, at least not this side of Glory. There is comfort in knowing, though, that we are God's people, and that though we say goodbye for the moment, we will all meet again in Heaven.

I miss my brothers and sisters so much it's like a physical hurt, but it is amazing to be home, as well. I have missed my family and my friends here; my two best friends invaded my house and surprised me when I got home, and we spent the evening watching movies. It was great to see them again, and it feels great to be in my own bed with my dog laying at my feet and my horses in the pasture, and most of all the SPACE. I am such a country girl, and the rolling plains of Montana just speak peace into my heart; how could it not? It's God's creation. And I also know that I have grown and changed, and that I am ready and well prepared for whatever the coming year might bring. I feel closer to God, and I understand myself better. I know what it means to be on Fire for God, and I feel more disciplined, able to stay in this place instead of falling back again. And I have gained friends who are in the same place as me who will encourage me and hold me accountable and pray for me, even as I will do the same for them. And at the end of the day, I know that it's not about whether I'm home or a million miles from home, about whether I'm comfortable or not, or anything else about me. It's about God and sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

In the oft-repeated words of my project director, "What do ya burn for?"
And the answer to that is that I burn for Jesus Christ, and my prayer is that I will burn brighter every day.